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Love Letter Never Sent
Years after graduation, my high school desk partner became an A-list celebrity.
At our class reunion, his expression was ice-cold.
"Do I know you?"
Everyone thought Peyton had forgotten me.
Until news of my accidental death reached them, and my best friend discovered something while sorting through my belongings—a love letter Peyton had written me years ago.
Vivian, having a crush on you is too painful. I don't want to like you anymore.
Below that, in smaller handwriting—
Never mind. I was lying.
That night, news of Peyton's suicide attempt trended online.
When I opened my eyes again, I was back at the reunion.
I looked at the cold, distant Peyton in front of me and tentatively pulled out my phone to send him a message.
A second later, his custom notification went off.
Peyton: "..."
1
I died on a snowy day.
While out searching for writing inspiration, I got lost in the mountains. When the snow started falling, I died of hypothermia.
It wasn't a dignified death.
When Zoe received the news, she rushed over overnight. At the morgue, she sobbed so hard she could barely breathe.
"Vivian, how could you just leave me like this!"
"Even if Peyton doesn't remember you, you still have me!"
My soul floated in mid-air. Hearing this made me cringe so hard I wanted to disappear.
If I wasn't already stone-cold dead, I would've rushed over to cover her mouth.
This girl—the officer said it was an accidental death. How did it become a suicide over lost love in her version?
Couldn't she let me keep some dignity in death?
But clearly, Zoe didn't see it that way.
For some reason, she was convinced my death was connected to Peyton. She pulled out her phone and made the call.
It rang for a long time before someone picked up.
"Hello?" A hoarse male voice came through, like he'd just been woken up.
"Zoe, what's up? I just pulled an all-nighter on set..."
"Peyton." Zoe cut him off, her voice breaking. "Vivian's dead."
Silence stretched on the other end.
Even as a ghost, I couldn't help feeling a flicker of hope.
What would Peyton's reaction be when he learned I was dead?
Would he be sad?
Or would he think it was just some nobody dying?
After all, at the reunion a few days ago, his attitude toward me had been so cold.
When everyone around us started making jokes, he'd only asked coldly, "Do I know you?"
The moment those words left his mouth, the air seemed to freeze.
Meeting his indifferent gaze, I felt all the courage I'd built up before leaving home evaporate into nothing.
In the end, I could only open and close my mouth like a fish, managing to squeeze out: "No... nothing."
Then I looked down and didn't dare look up again.
Actually... it wasn't hard to understand.
He was a top celebrity now. It had been six years since we graduated.
Him not remembering me was probably for the best.
Otherwise, I'd feel like I owed him something.
"Peyton, did you not hear me?"
With no response from the other end, Zoe demanded through her tears.
"I said Vivian's dead! She's dead!"
"Thud!" A heavy object hit the floor on his end.
Peyton seemed to be gritting his teeth, his voice trembling. "...I don't believe it."
The next second, he hung up.
Zoe stared at the disconnected call, crying and furious. She snapped a photo of my death certificate, sent it to him, then blocked his number.
I wanted to comfort her, but when I reached out, my hand passed right through her body.
In the end, all I could do was embrace the air around her.
Don't cry, silly girl.
2
Five days after my death, Zoe brought my ashes back to New York.
I didn't have much family in the States. My only brother had been on a business trip in Europe when he got the news and was currently on a flight back.
When Zoe returned to my apartment with the ashes, my Ragdoll cat had been starving for two days.
Before leaving, I'd left him enough food for three days, thinking I'd be back soon. I never imagined I wouldn't be coming back at all.
Zoe often visited my place, so when the cat saw her at the door, he immediately pounced over, purring and demanding food.
The scene must have hit her hard. Zoe nearly burst into tears again.
After filling the food bowl, the little guy dove right in.
Zoe walked into my study and started going through my belongings.
I was a full-time writer, so I spent more time in my study than my bedroom.
My desk was still exactly as I'd left it. In the photo frame by my computer was a picture of our high school friend group.
In the photo, Zoe had her arm linked with mine as we stood in the center. Peyton stood on the far right.
With people between us, I smiled at the camera while Peyton's gaze drifted toward me.
Right now, just looking at Peyton made Zoe angry. She finished organizing everything else, then finally reached for the frame. That's when the freshly fed cat trotted over.
Seeing Zoe reach for the frame, the cat launched into a sprint and swiped at it.
"Crash!" The frame hit the floor, glass shattering everywhere.
Zoe jumped, then picked up the cat and noticed something in the frame's backing.
"Meow." The cat in her arms realized he'd caused trouble and let out an appeasing meow.
Zoe bent down and pulled out a letter from the broken frame.
When she opened it, she found a love letter inside.
Now even I was confused, not just Zoe.
The paper inside the envelope had yellowed with age, but the handwriting was still sharp and clear.
Word by word, line by line, it spoke of hidden but overwhelming feelings.
Vivian, having a crush on you is too painful. I don't want to like you anymore.
Below that, in smaller handwriting—
Never mind. I was lying.
When my eyes fell on the signature in the bottom right corner, both Zoe and I froze.
It was signed by Peyton.
The current A-list celebrity.
Also my high school desk partner whom I'd crushed on for years.
I suddenly remembered—this frame had been a gift from Peyton during our senior year.
Over all these years, I'd moved many times, but this frame had always come with me, sitting by my computer.
I just never realized there was this secret hidden in its backing.
Remembering that last phone call—Peyton gritting his teeth, his voice trembling as he said "I don't believe it"...
My chest ached.
So ghosts could feel heartbreak too?
I watched Zoe immediately pull out her phone and unblock Peyton.
But before she could dial, a notification for a trending topic popped up at the top of her screen.
#Peyton Wang Suicide#
The next second, Zoe's hands were trembling as she tapped on the trending topic.
She saw that just fifteen minutes ago, an entertainment gossip account with millions of followers had posted a video.
In the footage, an ambulance was parked outside an upscale villa, surrounded by security and staff.
Then the camera shifted, and everyone saw a hand hanging limply from the stretcher in the ambulance. The hand had long, elegant bones and skin that was unnaturally pale.
Dark red liquid dripped from the fingertips, spattering on the ground like blooming flowers.
Peyton Wang attempted suicide at home tonight by slashing his wrists. Suicide note suggests a love-related death pact.
I stared at those glaring words—"love-related death pact"—and my brain seemed to short-circuit.
No, it couldn't be like this, it shouldn't be like this...
How could he die? How could he be allowed to die?
In that instant, countless memories flashed through my mind like a slideshow, replaying scene after scene from the past.
They froze on that snowy winter day.
Seventeen-year-old Peyton stood at the bottom of the school steps, reaching his hand out to me.
"Then it's settled, Vivian."
He looked at me with sparkling eyes, the slight curve of his lips impossibly gentle.
"If I become a big star someday, you'll be my manager."
As he finished speaking, a gust of wind blew past, and pure white snowflakes blanketed the entire world.
It all felt like a dream.
3
"Vivian? Vivian!"
I snapped back to reality with a jolt.
"What are you spacing out for? Peyton's here!"
I looked at Zoe's concerned face and felt my eyes immediately sting with tears.
This was wonderful.
I'd actually gone back to the day of the reunion.
The next second, I looked up and met Peyton's gaze from across the room.
The moment our eyes locked, I could almost guess what he was about to say—
Do I know you?
"Why are you crying?"
The voice from my memory overlapped with the voice in my ear.
I stared at him blankly.
"What?"
Unlike in my previous life, Peyton didn't ask who I was. He just frowned slightly and repeated coldly, "Why are you crying?"
As he spoke, he seemed to unconsciously reach out.
But then, noticing the setting we were in, he forcibly stopped himself.
He turned his face away, his frown deepening.
I raised my hand to touch my face and realized tears had fallen without me noticing.
"Vivian?" Zoe finally noticed something was wrong. "Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?"
"No, no... I'm fine..." I took a deep breath and hastily wiped the tears from my face, pretending to rub my eyes a few times.
"I think an eyelash fell in my eye."
How embarrassing.
To actually cry in front of him.
Peyton must think I'm completely bizarre.
I carefully glanced up at him.
He was talking to Zoe.
Zoe currently worked as an editor at a fashion magazine and was the only person here who had professional contact with Peyton.
That's why she'd been able to reach him after my death in the previous life.
The reunion had been organized a month in advance. Knowing Peyton would attend, quite a few people had shown up today.
After the food started arriving, plenty of eyes were still fixed on Peyton.
Some people were just born to be the center of attention. He only had to sit there to command everyone's focus.
With Zoe between us, I kept my head down and ate quietly.
Just being able to see him again was enough.
In this life, if I didn't die, then he wouldn't die either.
After several rounds of drinks, our class president walked over with a glass, insisting on toasting Peyton.
"Big star! I thought you wouldn't show up, but you really came through for us!"
Peyton smiled and graciously raised his glass, taking a small sip.
The president's gaze slid over to Zoe and me sitting beside Peyton, and he seemed to frown.
"You're... Vivian?"
At his words, several other old classmates who'd been toasting each other turned to look.
"It really is you!" Seeing me nod, the president got excited.
"You suddenly transferred schools during senior year, and we lost touch after that. I thought you wouldn't come to the reunion!"
"Now that I think about it, you used to be desk partners with our big star here!"
At that comment, I clearly felt Peyton's gaze shift to me.
"Is that so?"
I heard Peyton's tone, completely indifferent, as if having me in his life meant nothing.
"I forgot about that ages ago."
The food in my bowl had gone cold.
I chewed and swallowed, my tongue slightly bitter.
4
During the winter of our senior year, I suddenly transferred schools because of family issues.
We'd been talking about our futures just the day before, and then the next day, all communication was cut off.
Over the following years, Zoe was the only one who stayed in touch with me.
Her family was well-off, and she'd heard bits and pieces about what happened with my family, but she never brought it up in front of me.
The summer after that, Peyton exploded onto the scene through a talent competition show, taking first place that season.
That summer, his name was everywhere. That face I knew so well appeared on countless family TV screens. Sometimes when I passed by malls, his songs played over the speakers.
It seemed like overnight, I'd gone from being his desk partner who shared a table with him to just one follower among millions on his Twitter.
And I could finally say openly that the person I liked was named Peyton Wang.
Studying far from home was brutal.
Several times, I'd opened Peyton's chat window, but seeing the old message history made me fall silent for a long time.
Vivian, where are you?
Vivian, you're late.
Vivian, what happened?
Vivian, it's snowing. Remember to bring an umbrella.
Further down were a dozen missed calls and countless worried messages.
The last message had been sent at midnight, nine hours later.
Vivian, I'm not waiting anymore.
That day had been New Year's Eve.
We'd agreed to meet, but I'd stood him up.
I typed and deleted, deleted and typed in the message box.
Then suddenly, he called.
I jumped, and seeing his name on the screen, I instinctively answered.
The next second, I heard his familiar breathing on the other end.
My throat felt raw and tight. I opened my mouth but didn't know what to say.
"Vivian..." The person on the other end seemed to be gritting his teeth. "Say something."
"What's with showing 'typing' for this long?"
I took a deep breath and said quietly, "Are you... doing okay?"
His breathing hitched.
I'd imagined our reunion a thousand times, wondering what I'd say.
In the end, it was just this—me far away, listening to his cold tone through a phone screen.
"Thanks for asking. I'm doing great."
After a long silence, I said flatly, "Then... I hope you keep getting better. I hope you blow up, have a smooth career..."
"Beep—" He hung up.
I was left staring at my phone screen, laughing and crying at the same time.
Later, he did exactly what I'd wished for—he blew up and had a smooth career.
And my secret, overwhelming high school crush came to an end.
5
The dinner was lively.
Throughout it, Zoe kept giving me meaningful looks, which I pretended not to see.
I knew—Peyton hadn't actually forgotten me.
After all, he could call out the names of all forty-plus people in our class, but he was cold only to me.
It was hard to say it wasn't intentional.
Near the end of the reunion, I got up to use the restroom.
On my way back, I passed the balcony and ran into Peyton, who'd stepped out for some air.
Seeing me, he casually rolled up his sleeve, revealing his well-defined forearm. Then with practiced ease, he shook out a cigarette from the pack, glanced at me, and asked with the cigarette between his lips, "Mind?"
I shook my head.
The private room had the heat cranked up, so I'd taken off my coat when I went in.
After being out here for a while, I shivered and sneezed.
The next second, Peyton, who'd been about to light up, closed his lighter.
I looked at him questioningly.
What? Changed his mind?
But I had to admit—just now, when Peyton had been casually holding that cigarette between his lips and glancing over at me, he'd radiated mature masculine charm.
This was a Peyton I'd never seen before.
Looking away, I rubbed my arms, about to head back inside when—
"Vivian." The person behind me suddenly called my name.
"Hm?" I instinctively turned to look at him.
Then I saw the man who'd been cold and distant just moments ago now had anger burning in his eyes.
He was practically gritting his teeth as he forced out: "If I don't come looking for you, will you just never come find me?"
Ah...
I was a bit slow on the uptake and said blankly, "But... you were the one who pretended not to know me..."
"Shut up." He glared at me.
"Oh..." I immediately looked down again.
Seeing this, Peyton let out a laugh that sounded more angry than amused.
"Vivian, do you even have a conscience?"
That was a bit much.
I wanted to protest quietly, but thinking it over, I decided to just go along with him.
"You're the big star. Whatever you say."
Peyton: "..."
"Ha." He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, then turned and strode back into the private room.
I jogged to catch up.
When I got back inside, the dinner party was just wrapping up. Zoe had been looking for me, and when she saw me return with Peyton, her expression turned knowing.
"Oh? Did you two go reminisce about old times? Does Peyton remember you now?"
I thought about it and nodded.
Holding a grudge counted, right?
Peyton snorted beside me.
Before we left, our class president pulled everyone together to create a new group chat for future reunions.
Peyton had changed his contact info after debuting. The president asked Zoe to add him to the group, but she was busy catching up with people and casually called out to me, "Vivian, add Peyton's secondary account."
"Okay." I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contact list. I'd added both Peyton's main and secondary accounts back then, but we hadn't been in touch for years, so I wasn't entirely sure.
I tentatively opened the chat window for Peyton's secondary account. Before Peyton beside me could react, I quickly sent over a meme.
The next second, I heard his phone buzz.
Peyton frantically tried to lock his screen, but I still caught a glimpse of the words "VIP Alert" flashing across it.
Peyton: "..."
Me: "..."
Should I pretend I didn't see that?
Before I could think of a way to give Peyton an out, Zoe struck again.
"Perfect timing—isn't your manager coming to pick you up, Peyton? Can you give Vivian a ride? You're going the same way, right?"
"Huh?" Peyton immediately frowned, sounding reluctant. "Why should I have to..."
"I've been drinking too. It's late—you want her to take a cab home alone? That would be pretty sad, wouldn't it?"
"..."
Peyton glanced over at me.
I'd just put on my coat. Before leaving, I'd been so focused on the fact that I'd be seeing Peyton that I'd forgotten it was supposed to snow tonight. I dutifully buttoned the top button, but a bit of my neck was still exposed.
I was debating whether to scrunch down into my coat a bit more. Peyton was still sulking anyway, so he probably wouldn't pay attention to what I was wearing...
The next second, Peyton casually grabbed the scarf Zoe had draped over her chair and wrapped it around my neck in a few swift movements. Before I could even process what was happening, the scarf covered everything but my eyes.
"There."
Peyton finished tying a knot and met my gaze.
I blinked a couple of times. The scarf was wrapped so tightly that when I exhaled forcefully, my bangs flew up.
Peyton looked like he wanted to laugh but was holding it back.
"Don't read too much into it."
He kept a straight face as he warned me.
"I'm just worried there might be paparazzi outside. If they get a clear shot of your face, it'll be trouble."
I thought for a moment and tried mimicking the tone of a gossip site.
"SHOCKING: Peyton Wang spotted late at night with mystery woman—romance exposed?"
"...What on earth have you been reading!"
With that, he quickly turned and headed outside.
"Keep up."
"Okay."
6
When we reached the underground parking garage, Peyton's manager Joe was already waiting.
Seeing Peyton stride toward the car, Joe rolled down his window to say something, then spotted me behind Peyton—face wrapped up to my eyes in a scarf, jogging along suspiciously like I was up to no good.
The manager: "...What the hell?"
"Old classmate. Giving her a ride." Peyton said this as he got in the car.
I thought about it and opened the passenger door.
On the drive back, Joe tried multiple times to see my real face through the scarf, but failed each time.
He looked like he wanted to say something, hesitated, then wanted to speak again, hesitated again...
Finally, he asked, "Aren't you hot? The heat's cranked up in here."
"Don't dare take it off. Afraid of getting scolded, afraid of getting photographed and dragged online." I answered honestly.
Joe laughed.
"You and Peyton went to high school together? Was his temper this bad back then too?"
At that, Peyton in the back seat made an irritated "tch" sound.
I thought about it and said, "Not really. He was pretty nice in high school."
At least he was nice to me.
"So how did he turn into this after graduation?"
Another mocking laugh came from the back seat.
I went quiet, feeling guilty.
Now even the manager could tell something was off.
"Peyton, what's your deal? If something's bothering you, scratch it. I'm just chatting with an old classmate and you're making all these noises—who's that for?"
"Just drop her off and we're done. Why are you running your mouth so much?" Peyton's expression went cold again.
The manager stopped talking and shot me a helpless look.
The car finally stopped in front of my apartment building. I thanked the manager and was about to get out.
The moment I pushed the door open, cold air rushed in, bringing with it a crystalline chill on my fingertips.
"Oh, it's snowing."
"Cough, cough..." Peyton in the back seat suddenly started coughing hard. "Close the door!"
Joe didn't seem surprised and explained to me, "Sorry about that. He had a serious illness a while back, and he's pretty fragile in winter."
I froze, then called softly toward the back seat, "The weather's been cold lately. If your throat's bothering you, maybe cut back on smoking."
At that, I saw the manager look shocked.
"What smoking? Peyton doesn't smoke."
"He's a public figure—how could he dare smoke? If he got photographed, he'd get torn apart."
Peyton suddenly kicked the front seat, covering his mouth as he coughed, his face turning red.
"Shut up, or I'll smoke you!"
"Bang!" The door slammed shut.
I stood there in a daze, watching the car drive away.
After thinking for a moment, I pulled out my phone and sent Zoe a message.
Vivian: How do you cheer up an angry guy?
Zoe replied quickly.
Zoe: Did you piss Peyton off?
Vivian: Not exactly. He got embarrassed after his cover was blown.
Zoe: What cover?
The fact that he has a crush on me.
I didn't dare say that directly to Zoe, so I changed the subject.
Vivian: I've been thinking, and I've decided not to go on that trip after all.
If I didn't go traveling for inspiration, I wouldn't die by accident.
Zoe took a while to respond.
Zoe: Perfect! I've got something for you to do!
7
The next day, I found out what Zoe meant by "something to do."
Early that morning, she showed up at my place and told me to pack up—I was bringing my cat somewhere.
"The production Peyton's filming needs a cat actor, and I happen to know the producer. Last night I saw him post on his Instagram Story asking for help, and I immediately thought of your cat! I already signed you up, hehe."
"Since Peyton's still mad at you, that just proves he definitely still remembers you. If you hang around him more, maybe he'll eventually get over it!"
With that, she hit the gas and dropped me off at the film set.
"Okay, I've got stuff to do. I'll pick you up tonight!"
Before I could refuse, she'd dumped me and my cat on the production crew.
"Meow." My cat snuggled into my arms, displaying the classic clinginess of a Ragdoll.
"What a cute cat! The director will definitely love him," a crew member said admiringly.
Hearing my baby get praised made me smile too.
But the moment we walked onto set, my little troublemaker jumped right out of my arms.
Startled, I immediately chased after him with the crew member.
It was cu